Mistakes and Missteps
by Fox Murray
Summary: It's been years since Warden-Commander Thalia Surana was betrayed by the first and last love of her life, but will a chance encounter in the city of Kirkwall change her mind? Set in Act 3 of DA II, when Alistair visits Hawke. T for now. First published fan fic, so don't be surprised if it's bad :I *TITLE CHANGE! I wasn't fond of the last one :\*
1. Chapter 1

_How's that bricklayin' coming  
How's your engine running  
Is that bridge getting built  
Are your hands getting filled_

Won't you tell me my brother  
Cause there are stars up above  
We can start moving forward

_Lost in My Mind – The Head and The Heart_

"Oh, come _on_." Thalia Surana groaned and flipped on her side, shielding her eyes from the intruding sunlight seeping through her thin curtains. As soon as she had burrowed under the covers, however, another intrusion to her sleep presented itself.

The sound of guards announcing the king's unscheduled arrival sounded outside the keep, and she rolled her eyes. Alistair was lucky he was a friend. The unhappy mage took a deep breath before poking a foot out from under the sheets to test the morning air. She hissed at the cold breeze that came to meet her and huddled back under her mass of blankets.

Ferelden's weather was one of the many things she hated about the country. Not only was it cold, but it was damp. And brown. And it absolutely reeked of dog. The people were even worse. They were needy and unforgiving and petty. You would think since they live in a land literally build _on_ dark spawn they would learn to band together and fight for themselves.

It was unfortunate, but Thalia was not very attached to the land she was the hero of.

She soon decided someone else could handle Alistair, and let sleep drift back over her. Until the awful poundingon her door woke her _again_. She opened her eyes and counted to ten before she decided it would be appropriate to answer.

"Yes?" she had tried to sound pleasant, but the word came out like a snarl.

"Rise an' shine, ya bellyacher. The royal bastard's here!" _'Oghren. Of course.'_

His statement was followed by a hearty laugh, suggesting her Dwarven lieutenant was already drunk. His laughter was cut off by a happy mabari bark. "Aw look, the dog wants ta see ya too." He let out another bellow of uncalled-for laughter that mixed with the mabari's yapping.

_"Oh come now! What's wrong with him?" Thalia was giggling, clenching her stomach at the Antivan's twisted expression. The mabari growled when the elf put his foot in her tent and she went into a fit again._

_"Oh, mi amor, I don't see why you find this so humorous." He glared down at the war dog, who glared at him in turn._

_Thalia wiped the tears streaming down her face. "You're just so serious about this! Look, if you would ask him politely to move I can assure you he would. You have to talk to him all sweet and fluffy." She grinned widely at him. "It's not like he's a rival or anything."_

_Zevran's attempted at sweet talking the mabari failed miserably and Thalia was forced to compose herself._

_"All right Atlas, it's time to go back outside. You're going to get hair all over the blankets." The hound whined, but complied with her command and left the tent, stopping only to glare at Zevran, before moving to his blanket Thalia laid out for him._

_Zevran swiftly crawled into the tent and pinned her underneath him. "Honestly, you should teach that dog some manners." He stated. She quickly composed herself, meeting his warm brown eyes and biting her lip._

_"Which one are you referring to?"_

Thalia sighed and closed her eyes, willing the memory away before it got worse. How long ago had that been that she had _giggled_? "Alright, alright. Give me a minute." she rolled herself out of bed and sulked over to her closet to dig out her Warden armor, slicking back her short, dark chestnut hair with magic as she walked by her mirror.

"Don't take too long prettin' yourself up, _Commander_!" Oghren shouted, and she heard him tromp back down the stone hallway.

She sighed and stuck out a lip. She seriously had no idea how that dwarf kept himself alive with how often he was completely smashed. She shook her head and put on her Warden armor, deciding she would actually get stuff _done_ today. The armor had become a part of her daily life, anyway. Last time she left it behind… well, things hadn't gone over so well.

Finished dressing, she gave herself a onceover in the mirror. "As good as I'm gunna get, I guess." she mumbled, stowing her small, rune encrusted knives in her belt.

She trotted down the stairs, preparing herself for the onslaught of stupid questions Alistair would throw at her today. He always had new ones when he visited the Keep, always refusing her offer to stick around and help train the recruits because of "royal business". Could he honestly not come up with a better excuse?

"Alistair. I assume this is important?" She said, reaching the bottom of the stairs. Alistair smirked down at her, before absently kicking the ground and avoiding her eyes like a school boy.

"Y'know, we may be friends but I _am_ still the king…" He trailed off, his eyes flicking from the ceiling back to her. Thalia just stared at him, cocking her head to one side like she had heard him wrong. A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. Alistair was more silly than he was funny.

"Yes, I suppose you are. And _who_ assigned you king, I wonder?" she mused, bringing a finger up to her chin in mock concentration. Alistair opened his mouth for whatever witty retort he had lined up, but Thalia brought up a hand to silence him. She rolled her eyes and laughed, motioning him to her office. "So get on with it, your majesty. What brings you to our pleasant little Keep?" She sat behind her desk and motioned to a chair for the king, but Alistair remained standing, explaining that he didn't want to sit after the hours of riding horseback.

"I assume you've heard of the Champion of Kirkwall? He seems to be making quite a name for himself in the Free Marches, and I've heard he's been digging around the Deep Roads even after his expedition 5 years ago." He began. "I was planning a trip to go see him; he _was_ a Ferelden after all. I thought you might be interested in coming along."

"Ah yes. Hawke is the name, right?" Thalia said, snatching up a small stack of new letters at the corner of her desk and skimmed over them. "I should like to meet him; his brother never tells me anything of import about him other than he's "an annoying prick". And I'd like to see about the state of those Deep Road connections, maybe find points to block them off." She absently opened her letters, not really interested in their contents.

"His brother?" Alistair raised his brows, finally settling into the chair offered to him. Thalia nodded, looking up from the unfolded message she wasn't reading.

"Yeah, Carver Hawke. He was inducted to the Wardens in the Deep Roads by a former member of ours. Nathaniel found him when he was scouting and brought him here." She sifted through her mail absently, picking out a couple of letters and setting them aside.

"He's a good enough kid, I suppose. He was cocky and absolutely bursting with angst when he first got here, though." She chuckled softly. "Lucky for us, he assures me he is _nothing_ like his brother."

Alistair's eyes lit up. "So you'll go then?"

"Yes, I'll accompany you on your little trip." She smiled, tossing the rest of her letters in one of her desk drawers. "Goodness knows I could use a few days away from Vigil's Keep, and I need to check in on Nathaniel." She stood and walked with her old friend back to the Keep's entrance, watching him and his guards ride out the main gate. Thalia was glad they had remained friends, even through all the hardships she'd put them through.

_"THALIA SURANA, stop right now!" The tall man's voice boomed behind her. She growled and whipped around to face the Warden king._

_"Oh please. Would you just stop this, Alistair? If you get to take a holiday from killing dark spawn then why the hell can't I?" she snapped, shoving a finger at his chest. "What more could you possibly want from me!? I've cleaned up this Mother business, it's _over_ and _done_. I've replenished the Grey Wardens, I've even left you a new leader for Andraste's sake! Please, just… let me go." She let her eyes fall to the muddy ground, sucking in a breath, before whispering "I just want to see him again."_

_Alistair's expression went soft. He stepped closer to her, worry etched on his face. "Thalia… is he truly worth it? He's an assassin, is he really worth leaving all this behind? Leaving the Grey behind?"_

_She chuckled and shrugged. "Maybe not. But I _need_ to _see_ him, Alistair. And I'm a big girl; I can look out for myself." She smiled weakly at him._

_Alistair nodded knowingly. "Just don't live to regret it, okay?"_

Thalia sighed and leaned heavily against the stone entryway, Alistair and his men disappearing steadily into the horizon. How had things gone _so wrong_?


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Sorry, I meant to get this finished like a few days ago ._. Anyway, Here's chapter two C: No Zevran moments this time, more just Thalia's story. The next chapter is definitely going to move things farther forward xP **

**Also, as I am still trying to figure out this site, I have no idea how to respond or communicate. It doesn't help that I am very easily confused, either.**

**Thanks for following and of course let me know what you think!**

Three hours after she had called for him, Carver arrived in her office.

_Three. Hours._

He gave her a fidgety salute before sitting stiffly in one of the two chairs in front of her desk. Thalia stared at him, biting her cheek to keep from laughing. Despite being angry about his three hour delay, she couldn't help it. He was fidgety as all hell. That and Grey Wardens didn't salute.

"Carver, you are three hours late. One would think you were avoiding me. Like you are… in trouble or something." She narrowed her eyes at him and watched his face go white, biting down harder on her cheek. Carver had been here five, maybe only four years, but he was still just as if not more frightened of her than the newest bunch of recruits. Killing an archdemon and the Mother apparently still had a powerful effect on the man.

Carver was still struggling to form words when she held up a hand, releasing the laughter she had tried to hold in. She took a few moments to compose herself, realizing she must look hysterical. "Okay, Carver calm down, for Andraste's sake. You're not in trouble, though there's plenty I could get you for if I wanted to." she winked, and he relaxed a bit, though his eyes went wide.

"But, that's not what I called you here for. The king and Bann Teagan are going to Kirkwall to see your brother, you being Ferelden and all. I have Grey Warden business to attend to and I am going to need another warden with me." Thalia picked up her quill from its inkwell on her desk and began writing on a parchment in front of her, allowing the younger Hawke to process the question.

"You're asking me?" He finally piped up, pointing to himself. Thalia nodded, flicking her eyes up at him then back down to the paper. "I mean, I would be honored. But wouldn't you rather take someone higher up than me?"

Thalia laughed. "Sure I would. But I don't think going to see the Champion of Kirkwall would mean as much to them. Besides you're not _totally_ useless." She looked up at him, her hand still moving quickly across the parchment.

"So…?" She raised her brows, staring into his blank blue eyes. He cocked his head at her before he seemed to understand. Carver was an odd sort, a little absent-minded, yet cocky as all hell at the same time. But he was a good enough kid.

He nodded his head, standing from his chair. "I accept, um, ma'am." Thalia smiled up at him, before she let her eyes fall back down to scan the letter. "Good. You're free to go." Carver did an awkward nod/bow and turned to leave.

"Oh, Carver? Can you tell Oghren I need to see him?" She looked over at him. "And please don't make me wait three hours again." She smiled, and Carver seemed to get the idea she was just trying to pick on him this time. "Of course, ma'am." And he disappeared out of her door.

Thalia sighed and slouched down into her chair, letting out a sigh and pinching the bridge of her nose. The preparation she needed to make before leaving stressed her more than the actual voyage. And the idea of leaving Vigil's Keep in Oghren's hands just made her than much more uncomfortable.

She pulled a tinderbox out of a drawer and lit the incense burner on the corner of her desk, relishing the smell of the Rivaini spice. She let her mind drift off into daydreams before she heard the familiar stomping footfalls of her dwarven friend echo down the stone hall.

She heard her door creak slightly as it opened. "That was faster than expected." She said, no bothering to open her eyes to address her old friend.

"You burnin' that crap again?" She slowly opened her eyes to see Oghren swing at the smoke billowing into the room.

"Oh, please. You just don't know how to appreciate it, my hairy little friend." She straitened in her chair and leaned forward on her desk. "You know why Alistair was here, right? We're going to Kirkwall and I need someone to watch the Keep. Someone meaning you."

A wide grin was forming on her lieutenant's face, and Thalia returned his grin with a hard stare, her golden eyes burning into his. "I trust you, Oghren; but if I come back and there is even one thing out of place I swear to the maker himself-"

He waved at her dismissively and chuckled. "No need ta get yer panties in a bunch, I got this." He gave her a reassuring smile and she seemed to relax, if only a little. "And since yer so hell-bent on this I assume we'll be expecting ya back?" The perpetually goofy dwarf gave her an uncharacteristically serious look. She flinched, the memory and guilt of the last time she left Ferelden hitting her like a battering ram.

"You shouldn't even have to ask, Oghren." she gave him a weak smile. "That was a long time ago. Besides, I'm too old for that now." He nodded. "Ah I guess that is true. Anyway, anything need ta do while I run this place?"

Thalia handed him the parchment she had been writing on earlier. "Here's a list, I figured you might want to acquaint yourself with a few of these people, since some of the tasks on there might not be necessary _or_ really our problem." She slumped back down into her chair and rested her hands on her stomach, closing her eyes. "That's it. You can go now."

Oghren huffed and turned to the door. "Yep." he was just outside the door when Thalia called out. "And Oghren?" he poked his head back into the door and she gave him a weak smile. "Thanks."

She let her eyes slide closed again, inhaling the sweet incense that apparently only she could tolerate. She let her mind drift back home, a smile playing on her lips as she thought of her mother. She had used this same incense to charm the corrupt tourists that stopped by the Rivain island of Llomerryn. She had been one of maybe two seers that even wanted anything to do with the place.

_"Thalia, what on earth have you been doing? Do you have any idea how long you've been gone!?" Her mother paced about the room, her layers of jewelry clanking against each other. "You worry me so much, child. I don't-" she cut herself off with a heavy sign, covering her face with her hand. "You were with those pirates again, weren't you? I swear I can smell it on you."_

_Thalia stared at the floor, afraid to meet her mother's eyes. Her mother kneeled down in front of her, her long robe pooling around her. "Thalia, you shouldn't spend your time with them. Nothing will come of it but ruin." Thalia looked at her, her golden eyes blazing. "That's not true, mother! They're nice to me; and I get money! Look!" She held out a small purse. Her mother looked at it hesitantly, taking the small pouch from her daughter. "Things won't stay like this, my little rose. They never do." she put her hand on Thalia's shoulder. "I only say this because I would not be able to live on if I were to lose you to those thugs." Thalia stuck out a lip and crossed her arms over her chest, averting her mother's eyes again. _

_Her mother put a hand under her chin and pulled it back to face her."Promise me you won't go back to them. Please, dear." Thalia flicked her eyes away and back to her mother's before she finally relented. "Okay, mother. I promise."_

_Her mother laughed and stood, smoothing her robes.. "Come on now. If you quit your pouting I'll teach you a bit of new magic today." She turned and winked at Thalia and she all but fell out of her chair after her mother._

_"Is it exciting?" Her mother gave her a warm smile and tapped Thalia's nose. _

_"Very."_

Thalia frowned thinking back on all the undue stress she had caused her already overtired mother all those years. That particular incident was not the last time her mother would berate her for associating with The Raiders of the Waking Sea, who pretty much controlled the island. The pulled children into the fold young; Most of them didn't have parents due to death or abandonment, anyway.

Thalia only had her mother when she was young, already more than the majority of kids there. And despite her mother's best attempts, growing up where "Any man can gain his heart's desire – For a price." didn't exactly made Thalia into the most virtuous of people. The only person she had met in Ferelden as… open to excitement as she was Anders. And even he could be shocked at her behavior at times, in the circle and outside.

That one phrase her mother said echoed in her head. _"Things won't stay like this, my little rose. They never do." _She had known even when she was little that her mother was talking about much more than her time with the Raiders.

Thalia let her eyes drift open to find it was already night and a blanket of darkness had settled over her office. She stretched, stiff from sleeping in her chair Maker knows how long. She shuffled out the door, making her way up the stone steps to her quarters. She would need rest if she was going to make it the next few days.


	3. Chapter 3

**Next chapter! It's more back stories again but whatever. I pace myself. And it's slightly important. Anyway, this chapter is kinda blah to me, but I hope you guys enjoy it C: Please excuse any mistakes, I proofed it a couple of times, but I seem to miss things every time :\**

**Anyhoo, thanks so much for following and reviewing! I honestly only expected like one follower when I started this xD **

**And just on a side note, my mouse keeps double-clicking and it's driving me nuts. There might be mistakes because of that, too :I**

* * *

_The gentle rocking of the ship that normally soothed her was making Thalia sick to her stomach. After putting up a fight long enough to get alone on the ship, she allowed her repressed tears to roll down her cheeks, sucking in a ragged breath through her clenched teeth. She clutched at her stomach, hit with sudden pain and rolling onto her back on the ramshackle bed._

_She wished she could take back everything, that she had never stepped foot out of Ferelden. Maker, did she _wish_ she could. Take back the year she had sacrificed everything for, and for what? This? Running away like a child?_

_She gripped at her hair that had turned into a tangled mess. Running away from someone who wouldn't even care enough to follow._

_She looked out the porthole window of the cabin. The night was foggy and dismal, the moon fighting for dominance against the heavy clouds. Everything was so still, so cold. The small candle sitting on the bedside table next to her caught one of her earrings and it shinned back off the foggy window. Her stomach dropped when she noticed just what earring the light had caught._

_She clenched her teeth and took the earring out, glaring down at it mercilessly. She closed her hand and shut her eyes, but she couldn't stop the flow of memories accompanying the damn thing._

_Zevran held the ring up in front of them in the tent just as Thalia had begun to doze off. "Lifted it off a prince. Though it would look far better on you, my Warden." His arm was thrown lazily around her, her head resting on his chest._

_"Mmm. You're giving me as ring now? One would think you were getting soft, Zev." She laughed sleepily._

_"Perhaps I am." He smiled warmly down at her and Thalia felt her heart skip. "Will you take it?"_

_Thalia cursed and threw the earring across the small room, fresh tears springing into her eyes. How could she have been so _stupid_? It was right in front of her, the entire time. That earring had been nothing more than compensation. Nothing lasts forever, she knew that. She should never have _forgotten_ it._

_'But maybe he had been sincere, back then…'_

_'No. Quit it. No one has ever loved you, and he certainly wouldn't love you if he _knew_.'_

_'But if I had stayed… I-'_

_'You think you could make him accept you if you had stayed? Love is a child's game, its best you remember that before you make this same mistake again.' Her stomach ached as the ship tossed again and she cried out, more tears slipping down her face as she clenched the despicable earring to her chest._

* * *

Thalia shot up, sucking in a ragged breath. Her brow was covered in sweat, and she noticed her hands had been twisting in the sheets. She leaned back onto the back of the hard bed, a tear slipping down her cheek. She brushed it away quickly, taking in her surroundings.

_'On a ship to Kirkwall. You're safe._' She let out a strangled sigh, resigning to the fact that she would not be sleeping again tonight. She ran her hands through her hair to work out the tangles that made it look like a bird's nest then grabbed her shoes. "Air will do me good." She mumbled, standing from the bed and heading up to the deck.

She was surprised to find Carver leaning on the railing, staring out at sea. His mind appeared to be a million miles away. She walked up and settled next to him, pleasantly surprised when he didn't jump away and needlessly apologize. He did visibly tense up, though.

"Good Evening, Carver. Can't sleep?" She asked, not taking her eyes off the calm waves.

He looked down at her awkwardly. "I'm not very fond of ships. They don't really agree with me." Thalia quirked a brow.

"Why is that?" She was genuinely curious; she knew nothing about him, other than his family had fled to Kirkwall to escape the Blight, and he had been turned Warden somehow in the Deep Roads and Anders was involved only a year after they had run.

He looked down at her. "…if I tell you why, will you answer a question of mine? A question for a question?"

Thalia smiled and nodded. "Sure. You first though."

He took a deep breath and began his story. "Me and my brother… we had just lost our sister while we were running from Lothering. Mother was in ruins and wouldn't speak to either of us. I was bitter and angry and… I directed a lot of it at my brother, my mother did the same. I remember that I had just been so angry that I hadn't noticed until we landed, that brother looked so… defeated. His eyes looked dead. If he smiled, it always looked fake and strained." Carver gripped the railing and stared down into the water. "I was so angry when he handed me over to the Wardens… I didn't even think about what I was saying. When I looked back at him, I could tell. He blamed himself for everything; he probably even blamed himself for the Blight. When we met up with Nathaniel and I asked to go to Ferelden, I thought about what I had said the entire voyage." Carver looked up and stared wistfully out into the ocean. "I have always regretted how I treated him. And most of it was just because he was a mage." He looked back down at Thalia. "Now your turn. You say you're from Rivain, so how did you end up being the Hero of Ferelden?"

Thalia laughed and stretched out her arms over the rails. "You know I sometimes wonder that myself. I was part of The Raiders of the Waking Sea growing up, the best damn member they had. At least that's what I thought. I assumed they would want to keep me around, so I refused to carry out a hit on an old member who was flapping his gums, since that wasn't my expertise anyway. They were not very happy about my unauthorized decision and called down every templar in Rivain, telling them I had killed an innocent civilian. My mother was a mage too, but she was a seer, so templars let her operate out of a circle. Unfortunately her good word didn't get them off me, so I ran. I took ship to Ferelden to get as far from Rivain as I could, and was met by ten Templars when we landed. I got thrown into the Ferelden circle, and five years later Duncan came and got me, and here I am." She let out a dry laugh. "I was only sixteen when I got here. And Maker, if I wasn't homesick. I found ways to pass the time though." She said with a sly grin.

Carver eyed her skeptically. "Your mother just let you run away like that?" Thalia frowned at the question.

"…No. My mother begged me to stay, told me she would get me out of their circle as I was a seer's daughter. I was just… too stubborn back then, I suppose." Thalia turned so that her back was against the sea. "Can I ask another question?"

Carver chuckled. "Only if I get another one, too."

She smiled at how relaxed he was, for once not looking like he feared for his life. "Alright, fine. Why are you so scared of me all the time?" She turned to face him just in time to see him go stiff.

"What? No, I'm not. I mean I'm nervous, yeah, but I mean you did almost single-handedly slay an archdemon. And when I first got to the Keep, you weren't even there. You just showed up one day as mad as a wet cat on catnip. It made you kind of intimidating, Commander. And there was that time you all but screamed at me for dipping out of a routine walk around the Keep, scared the daylights out of me." She barked out a laugh at the memory, slapping Carver's arm.

That had been around the time she came back. It didn't surprise her that she didn't remember; she was incredibly bitter that first year back. "I had to keep you in line somehow. And "a wet cat on catnip?" Was I that bad off?" She gave him an incredulous look.

Carver grinned back at her. "Yes, Commander, you were. Now for my question: Where did you go, and why did you come back like _that_?"

Thalia instantly stopped laughing. She went rigid and turned away from him, preferring to stare at her feet. "Ah, that's… that's a long story." She heard Carver's feet shuffle nervously before he responded.

"Well, we've got time." She looked back up, studying his eyes. "Besides, I told you about my brother. It's only fair." Thalia's eyes fell down to the deck, as if the wood that made up the ship was suddenly the most interesting thing in the world.

"I'll give you the condensed version, for your sake and mine." she chuckled softly. "I was young, and most definitely stupid. I ran after the man I had foolishly fallen head over heels for all the way to Antiva. I helped him take out a big chunk of the assassin group he used to be a part of. We fought and lived, side-by-side. I was sure I would stay there with him forever." Her frown deepened. "We… well, that's not how it happened. We sort of fell apart after everything with the assassins was winding down. It ended in me running back to Rivain." Carver noticed her jaw tighten before she continued. "I felt like such a fool. I stayed with my mother awhile, then came back to Ferelden. As embarrassing as it was to come crawling back to the Wardens, they welcomed me back with surprisingly open arms." She sighed and rolled her eyes. "I look back on it and it all just seems like a big waste of time. I should've known it would be."

"Well, you were happy at the time… right?" Carver questioned cautiously. She let out a bitter laugh and looked up at the sky.

"I honestly doubt I was, truly. I was just blind to it at the time. He left me. And like an idiot I ran after him, hoping he had expected that. I'm sure he was just humoring me the year I was with him in Antiva." Thalia suddenly felt so tired. As if getting all that off her chest alleviated some great weight. She yawned and stretched again, patting Carver's shoulder before heading back down to her room.

She waved a hand as she walked. "Good talk, Carver."

Unfortunately, Thalia wasn't able to get any more sleep. They landed around 5 hours later; the distance between Kirkwall and Ferelden wasn't very great. She got dressed in her armor and drug herself up the stairs to the deck, wrinkling her nose at the smell that greeted her coming from the Kirkwall docks. She walked up and joined Alistair, Teagan and Carver where they waited.

"It reeks." Thalia sneezed right after her statement, earning a laugh from the King. "It is rather unpleasant, isn't it? And here we are, used to the smell of dog." He looked around, and she noticed the hurt look in his eyes when he saw a few homeless that were more than likely Fereldens.

Teagan cleared his throat and took out a roll of parchment. "We need to get to our inn in Hightown. Once we set up there, we're free for the rest of the day. We aren't supposed to meet the Champion until tomorrow morning." The crewman of their ship began lowering a ramp onto the dock, securing it before telling them they could walk on it. Thalia squinted her eyes at the harsh light that beat down on the place, her headache she got from the smell only getting worse.

"Well then, let's get on with it." She said as she tromped forward into the city. "I need a drink."

Alistair rolled his eyes. "Please try not to have a hangover when we meet the Champion, Thalia."

She scoffed. "I'll do what I want, you big meanie." She turned around a stuck out her tongue at her old friend, who tried to stifle a laugh. Teagan hit Thalia upside the head with his parchment.

Carver laughed, and wondered how on earth those two managed to stay alive all these years.

Much more so how one was a hero and the other was a king.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey readers! I'm not very fond of this chapter, it just wasn't wanting to work for me, as evidenced by how long it took me ._. Thank you so much for reading and following, and if you don't mind, leaving reviews. They always encourage me to keep trying! Also excuse any mistakes, I've read it a few times but there's always those few things I miss.**

**(Also, Eliza who is mentioned later is Alstair's wife in this story. I didn't marry him to Anora because it just didn't sit with me. Anyway she is just mentioned, she really isn't going to pop up again I don't think, she's name only for now.)**

* * *

Thalia was unpacked and settled into the room in Hightown, smiling happily out her small window. She set to putting on casual clothing, deciding that drinking in her Warden armor would earn her more harm that it was worth. Once she was dressed, she trotted out of her room and over to Alistair's to inform him she planned on taking off, and possibly invite him if he wasn't annoying about it.

Since taking the walk through the city and getting settled down, she was feeling quite chipper. She had hated the smell of the city, but now welcomed it as something new, a fresh experience of a new place. The only thing that could liven her up more was getting lightly buzzed. And with any luck, passing out quickly and _not_ dreaming.

She lightly rapped on the door in front of her. After a few moments it creaked open and she was greeted by Alistair, who appeared to be all too happy to be out if his heavy royal armor. "Ah, there you are. I assume you plan on searching for an acceptable tavern, then?" He gave her a lopsided grin and she nodded.

"That I am. Would his highness be interested in joining me, or are you too busy with your 'Royal Duties?' I heard there's a great place in Lowtown."

Alistair grinned and stepped out, shutting the door behind him. "I'm just about through with these 'Duties.' Teagan had been hounding me since we landed, and if I have to hear anymore of his griping I just might go crazy. I think a cheap drink in a sleazy tavern is just what I need."

After an unsuccessful attempt to wake up Carver (he didn't get a wink of sleep the entire voyage), the two Wardens made their way to Lowtown, thankfully only receiving a few side-glances. Unaccompanied and without their armor, people didn't seem to realize who they were. A few refugees would whisper to each other, but nothing more. They're conversation was light, and Thalia was happy to talk to her old friend about non-work related topics, something they hadn't been able to do since before the Blight ended.

"'The Hanged Man'? Sounds a tad ominous to me." Alistair stated as they reached the bar, wrinkling his nose at the large wooden figure hung by his feet above the door.

Thalia shrugged. "Meh. I've been to worse." Alistair scoffed.

"Yeah, I'm sure _you_ have." They ventured into the run-down looking building, pleasantly surprised at the burning fire. Thalia smiled and breathed in the smell of the sordid place, walking over to a bar stool and waving down the barkeep.

After they told the man what they wanted, Alistair's eyes caught something on the wall and his mouth fell open. "Is that Oghren? Thalia, I swear that's Oghren."

Sure enough, there was a detailed, proud portrait of their dwarven friend, leaning against his axe and smirking in the way only he could. Thalia let out a rather uncomely bark of laughter and gripped at her stomach when she saw the painting. "He told me he had a record here. I told him I didn't believe him, shows what I know." She grinned and Alistair smiled back.

"Look at you, laughing and talking like a normal person." Thalia turned to the drink set in front of her, a rather cheap smelling ale that tingled down her throat as she took the first swig. She gently set the cup down, a smile playing on her face as she spun the mug slowly in her hands. "I don't know what you're talking about."

They drank their first ales in comfortable silence, interrupted a couple of times by a snide jab at one of the stumbling drunks tripping their way to the exit. Thalia sighed when her next mug was brought to her, fully aware of what conversation they were about to have, _again_. She heard Alistair sigh and shift in his chair a he turned to look at her.

Alistair decided it would be best to just jump right in. "Thalia… What happened to you? And yeah, I know you "don't like talking about it," but I care. You came back and you were nothing less than a husk. You didn't speak, and when you did you snapped. You hardly ate, and the first few weeks you almost never slept. You looked like a corpse." He shook his head. "The stony face worked with everyone else, but not me. I know you."

Thalia snorted and rolled her eyes at him "You don't know me as well as you think you do, Alistair. There are some things that are best left unsaid. Things went wrong, I came back. That's all that matters, right?"

"Oh, quit with your "mysterious past" crap, Thalia. I want to know. I even bought you drinks." He gave her a goofy smile and she snorted again, meeting his eyes.

"Yes, you did. I wonder what wifey would say if she knew you were getting another girl drunk. Tsk tsk."

Alistair wrinkled his nose as light blush dusted his cheeks. "Oh, shut up. Or not shut up. Come on Thalia, you know you want to tell. It's been four years."

Truthfully, she did want to tell him. She wanted someone to know, someone to pour out all these polluted memories to. She was just so terrified of what they would say. Terrified of being humiliated, of being pitied. She loathed sympathy more than hatred, anyway.

She stared him down, but finally caved in. She cursed under her breath and took another long drag of her ale, sighing loudly and wiping her lips with her arm. "Fine. But I better not hear any sympathy from you, got it?"

He put his hands up. "Cross my heart, Thalia. Now get on with it."

She nodded slowly and took yet another swig of her ale. "I'll never figure out why on earth you care so much." she mumbled. "Alright, here it goes; Things between me and Zev had begun breaking apart the moment he left me for Antiva, in case you hadn't figured _that_ out. I know he said he would come back for me, and I believed it at the time; I didn't see a reason not to. I had never been in love before, and to be honest I was still not sure what all it entailed." She smiled down mournfully. "Maker, I loved him. I loved him more than anything, and I_ knew_ he felt the same. He must've." She let out a mirthless laugh and smiled broadly, causing Alistair to shift uncomfortably next to her.

"He seemed happy to see me in Antiva. He showed me the city, introduced all the food and all his favourite places. I helped him run the Crows out of their main hideout, taking it for our own. Everything was wonderful, I could never have asked for more. I felt like I did when I was younger, back with the Raiders in Rivain. We visited my mother once, him and I. It was just so… perfect."

Alistair looked sown to study his ale. "But I guess it didn't stay that way?"

Thalia scowled, her golden eyes flickering with bitterness. "Of course it didn't. When we started getting so much closer together, he started to grow distant, I hardly ever saw him. If I did, it was late, or he was busy or I was busy. It was like we didn't even… like we didn't even live in the same place anymore." The bitterness in her eyes turned to hurt. "And only to make it worse, something… big happened. Before he knew anything we fought, the worst we ever had. Screaming, and swinging at each other. He was acting like he used to when we first met him, getting scared and pulling back anytime I tried to be serious with him. It was like he wanted to go back to being noncommittal, as if that was even possible.

A tear streamed down her cheek, but she didn't even flinch. She watched as it fell on the wood of the counter, furrowing her brows. "I was trying my damndest but even that wasn't enough. Eventually I gave up, too. We went from hardly speaking to never, he spent his free time with others instead of me. I couldn't afford to play around because I was… well, it's not important. I just couldn't. I had my reasons for staying but I finally decided I just couldn't anymore. I confronted him, and we fought _yet again, _only this time it was final. I went straight to the docks and went to Rivain. I was there another seven months, and then I was back in Ferelden."

She turned to look at Alistair her expression flat. "And that's it. That's what you've been missing out on."

"Thalia, I still don't get what made you stay as long as you did. Why wait around? Unless…" His eyes widened and he looked at her, shock written all over his face. "Thalia, you weren't…"

She put up a hand to stop his sputtering before taking the last swig of her ale. "That topic is still a few years too early to discuss."

"Thalia-"

"NO." Her eyes blazed and she drilled him with a stare. Despite refusing to answer his last question, Thalia felt lighter after getting the bulk of the story off her chest. She hadn't been expecting him to figure the rest out, though. She assumed he was too dense.

She let the anger seep out of her, and almost didn't hear Alistair speak up. "Want another?"

"Oh yes, please. My goal for tonight was to get buzzed, and I'm not even lightheaded yet." She laughed lightly and wiped the tears that hadn't dried off her cheeks. "Anyway, now for something less depressing. How are you? Being royalty has to be exhausting. And, I must know if you and Eliza have any surprises coming soon, hmm?"

The young king laughed loudly, a wide smile stretching across his face. "I am not aware of surprises. Even if I was, I don't know if she would let me tell you." Thalia noticed the increase of laugh lines on his face, she hadn't remembered so many. They really were getting older, weren't they? "And it really has taken its toll, I guess. I miss the road, and the dirt. And the constant threat of danger. Half the time I don't even know what I'm doing, not really. I just do what Teagan tells me, and the people seem to approve of me, so I guess I'm doing something right."

Thalia turned to the refreshed drink sitting in front of her. "See? And just think; if I had listened to your complaining back then Ferelden would have been stuck with Anora."

Alistair shuddered. "Yeah, I figured later on I wasn't as opposed to it as I thought I'd be. And if I hadn't taken the job, I would've been under _your_ command, which I've heard is downright terrifying." She turned her head and raised her brows at him, the cup of ale paused at her lips.

"What can I say? I run a tight ship up at that keep. Someone had to keep everyone in line; otherwise they'd take after Oghren." She tilted her head in the direction of the portrait next to them, then resumed drinking. Alistair nodded in agreement before returning to nursing his ale. His tolerance for alcohol was nothing close to Thalia's, and it wouldn't be long before he would have to stop.

A couple of hours and ales later, Thalia leaned on her arms and stared up at a hole in the roof. They had spent more time than she thought in the old place. "It looks like it's getting late. We better head back if we want to look presentable for our talk with the Champion."

Alistair nodded dizzily and stood up wobbling a little on his feet. Thalia stayed behind a few moments for one last look at the portrait of Oghren before trailing after the swaying Alistair.

* * *

_"I'm tired of doing this, Zevran! What did I do? Is there anything I can do to make whatever it is up to you?" Thalia let out an exasperated sigh, stepping closer to Zevran. His back was turned and he had apparently gone mute, quite possibly deaf, too. "Talk to me! I can't do anything if you're just going to insist on being a child."_

_He whipped around to face her, his face inches from her own. "I am _not_ being a child." He ground out. "And why must you pester me like I am? You have done nothing wrong; I've just been under stress." He answered vaugley, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and index finger._

_"From what? This is what I mean, Zevran, you don't talk to me like you used to. Just tell me-" She put her hand on his arm but was instantly shoved off. She stumbled back, her eyes wide._

_He looked away before she could meet his eyes. "…no. Now can we just be finished? I have things to attend to." Zevran's voice was harsh, and Thalia scoffed in disbelief._

_"Yeah. You know what? I think we can. I think we have been finished for a long time." She hissed, yanking open a dresser shoving the clothes within into a pack. Zevran turned then, his face going white. _

_"Thalia, what are you doing?" He asked hesitantly, inching closer to her. She growled and shot up, shoving him back so she could get around him, grabbing a few things off the table on the other side of the room and walking back over to toss then in her pack._

_"I'm finishing up our time here, isn't that what you want? You never speak to me, and when you do you get short and always leave! I've seen where you go, too. You think you're so clever, but I've seen who you prefer to spend your time with. I can't… I left everything for _you. _Sorry if I'm not willing to be number, oh, five or so based on whom all I've seen you with."_

_Zevran reeled back, confusion and frustration marring his features."Thalia that's not-"_

_"Stop. Just stop. I don't want to hear it anymore. You save your sob stories for someone else." She heaved the pack over her shoulder and stormed out of the room, Zevran angrily in tow._

_"FINE! Leave then! I don't need you here anymore, anyway!" Though she had been expecting them, Thalia's heart still clenched in her chest at his words and she flinched. She yanked open the wooden door of the hideout, turning to face him. _

_"I know." She whispered, staring into his warm brown eyes for what was more than likely the last time, and then turned out into the storm._


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello! I am SO sorry it took me so long to update this, I had a fashion show to sew clothes for and a couple of paper to write and all aprund too much happening, it's been crazy x_x Anyway, thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoy this chapter! Chapters should be out faster(ish) now that things are a little less hectic C: And as always thank you so so much for your reviews and favourites! They make me smile C: **

**(*Sidenote: Poor little Flynn probably won't have many more looks into his life, I just felt this needed to be there to explain his recent gloominess :])**

* * *

Hawke felt the warmth of the sun shine over his bed through the window, the sound of his neighbor's early morning argument filtering through the window. He smiled and stretched his arms above his head, wiggling his toes under the fluffy duvet. He flopped to his left and cracked his eyes open, his smile quickly replaced by a frown when he saw the space next to him lay empty. He groaned and sat up, scrubbing his face.

'_He had better be at the clinic, or so help me...'_

He rolled rather unceremoniously off of the bed, the sheets going with him as he sulked over to his wardrobe and pulled out his house wear. His mornings had gone like this for some time, lately. Being alone had become the norm, it was like Anders didn't even like in the same house anymore. He seemed to prefer the company of that damned writing desk and his annoying manifesto. Hawke looked in the mirror noticing the scowl on his face and the bags under his eyes. He let his face relax, settling for his increasingly frequent gloomy expression.

He shuffled down the stairs, giving Bodahn a slight smile and a nod. His scowl returned when he saw Anders, passed out on _that damn writing desk_. Bodahn gave him a sympathetic look, but he ignored it and dragged himself into the kitchen, deciding to make himself a sandwich. He took a deep breath and tried to relax and he dug around for sandwich fillers, finally settling on cheese and ham. He hated being so tired all the time; he missed the way things used to be. He missed being happy and kind, and laughing until he cried. He missed Ferelden. He missed his family.

He missed what he used to have, it seems like it was so long ago.

Deciding not to use a plate, Hawke grabbed a rag out of one of the drawers and walked back into the foyer towards his writing desk, eating half the sandwich in one bite as he went. He flipped his schedule's page, his spirits lifting a bit when he saw his meeting with King Alistair and the Hero was today. He had looked forward to seeing them, especially the Hero. He allowed himself to smile, finishing off his sandwich and deciding to go ahead and bathe.

He carried on with his morning, trying to ignore the fact that Anders had not kept his promise from the night before, and hummed the song Orana sung for them last week. He was almost chipper as he dressed in his robes. He jumped when he heard the door to his room creak open, whipping his head around.

"You seem happy." Anders smiled, though it looked forced. Hawke returned with his own tight smile, fixing the fasteners on his gauntlets.

"Going to bed?" The comment came out more venomous than he intended, and Anders flinched in the doorway. Hawke mentally kicked himself. When had he let himself turn into such a brute?

Anders flicked his eyes to the floor, staring at his feet. "Flynn, I… Where are you going?"

Hawke couldn't help the agitation that suddenly surged through him. His hands shook slightly as he ran a hand through his hair, mussing it up. He turned away from the man in his door frame. "To see the King and the Hero." He said evenly.

Ander's eyes lit up with realization "Maker, I'm sorry I forgot. Let me get ready, I was up all night last night…" Hawke bit back a scream as he heard the man he loved scramble around the room behind him. Did he even remember that he had promised? Did he care? Was the Hawke estate just a place for him to write with no distractions?

"It's alright." He said quietly. He walked out the door with a heavy heart and hopped down the stairs. Bodahn gave him another caring gaze and walked up to him, patting his arm.

"Are you alright, ser?"

_No._ "I'm fine, Bodahn. Thank you."

* * *

Zevran furrowed his brow and ran a hand through his tangled hair as the ship came in to port in Kirkwall incredibly early in the morning. He wished he was coming here over different circumstances, but alas. Leading a rather large number of Crows to the slaughter could have been considered a holiday, four years ago. Now it was just exhausting.

He sighed as he hefted his bag over his shoulder, striding up to the ship captain who was now barking orders at his men. "It's been a pleasure, Captain."

The captain turned and gave him a lopsided, toothless grin. "Aye." he stuck out a hand. "Stay safe out there."

Zevran shook his hand, leaving behind a small bag of coins. "I was never on this boat, yes?"

The captain opened the bag, examining the contents before grinning at him again. "Never saw ya."

Zevran trotted happily of the boat, taking in his surroundings. "Ah, Kirkwall. How long it's been." He pulled the map his contact in Antiva had given him out of his pack, dropping the key that was folded up in the attached letter into his hand. His contact had sold him temporary residence in a small apartment in Lowtown, with access to a tunnel that led out of the city. A very nice place to plan an ambush of one against thirty. His contact called the apartment his 'Kirkwall Holiday Home.' He chuckled at the name as he made his way to Lowtown and out of the docks, remembering that Thalia had called her small travel tent the 'Travelling Grey Warden Suite.'

A frown soon fell over his features and he tried to focus back on the Crows, and how to avoid an ambush from them, as well as the outcomes if he couldn't avoid them. Anything awful he could imagine to get his mind off of _her_. Unfortunately, once she was there it was difficult to get her out without either burying himself in work. Since when did he bury himself in _work_ of all things?

"Love can change anyone, it seems." He looked up to the smog-choked sky, inhaling deeply before letting the breath out slowly. He weaved through the back allies of Lowtown, remembering it well enough from his last visit. He ran his hands along the old and worn walls of the slums, memories of the last time he was here coming back to him. He had been young, so long before he had even considered decimating half the Crows. Simple times where he trained himself not to regret.

He slapped his face. "No time for depression, Zev." He strode up to a small merchant's tent, browsing over their simple potions and traps. He hadn't brought much with him to make his pack lighter against his better judgment. He decided on a few health potions and a simple grease trap, hopefully the few stragglers following him wouldn't be too much to handle. His initial assault on their main base had gone so well in large part to Thalia, she inspired people and easily charmed followers to her cause. Of course, she did think so herself.

He walked the rest of the way to the door of the apartment, the sun a little higher in the sky and the midday heat creeping up on the worn district. He easily turned the key in the rusted lock and stepped in to the musty apartment, dust clouds disturbed by the door fluttering in the rays of light coming through a high window across the room. He examined and checked all possible entrances and exits before flopping down on the hard bed in a pile of dust. Relaxing back on the old pillow, he ran his plans for the days ahead over again, drifting off with his Warden's smile lingering in the back of his mind.

* * *

"Should I be here? I really don't think I should be here."

Thalia rolled her eyes and turned back to the fidgety young Hawke. "Yes Carver. You _really should _be here. And you should really shut up about it." They hadn't even laid eyes on the Champion yet and Carver looked like he was ready to bolt. "I need you there, remember?" Carver nodded hesitantly and avoided her annoyed glare. "And for Andraste's sake try not to soil yourself." Carver shot her a glare but toned down his skittishness. It only took a few minutes, however, for him to shoot up from his chair and begin pacing.

Thalia sighedand crossed her arms over her chest, pushing off the wall she had leaned on to stand in front of the pacing Carver, giving him a death glare. "Sit. Calm down. You're making _me_ nervous." They were waiting for Alistair to finish before they went to speak to the Champion, since Carver _insisted_ he not be the first to see him before they even left for the Keep. And since he looked like he was going to explode, Thalia agreed. Carver's nervousness had only gotten worse the second they left. "You have nothing to worry about. Deep breaths."

The young Hawke nodded, sucking in an uneasy breath. "Yeah. It'll be fine. But what if he doesn't want to see me? What if he just gets angry?" His eyes went wide. "What if he hates me?"

Thalia couldn't hold back the rather ugly snort that escaped her. "Carver please stop. You are making this ten times worse than it needs to be. Just be calm, even your breathing. I can give you a smoke if you'd like."

Carver wrinkled his nose. "No, thank you. I don't see how you like that stuff."

She shrugged. "It's a refined taste I guess."

"Or a lack thereof." She gave him a smirk and punched his in the arm just as Alistair walked up to them.

"Right, he's all yours." The king quirked a brow at Carver, who had once again began fidgeting. "Is he alright?"

Thalia let out another sigh. "He will be. Come on, you big baby." She smacked Carver on the back and headed down the short set of steps to the Champion. Her eyes widened when she saw him. He looked exactly _not_ like Carver. He had dirty blonde hair and grey eyes, quite the contrast to Carver's black hair and light brown eyes. That and their facial features didn't look anything alike either. "It's nice to meet you, Champion." She smiled, extending her hand. Despite being rather lanky looking man, he gave a strong handshake.

He returned her smile. "Please, call me Flynn, ma'am."

"Well then, call me Thalia." She looked aggravatedly over her shoulder and saw Carver stopped at the top of the steps. She stared at him menacingly and turned back to the Champion. "I actually have someone else who wants to meet with you; he's being a pain in my ass, though."

Carver scurried down the steps then, sneering at his Commander. Thalia watched the Champions eyes grow wide with the appearance of his brother. "Carver?"

The younger Hawke smiled sheepishly. "Hello, brother."

Thalia smiled as Flynn wordlessly pulled his rather shocked brother into a hug. "You two take your time. I was actually going to see if it would be alright with you, Flynn, if we talked business tomorrow." Carver gaped at her while Flynn just smiled.

"Of course. Thank you." Thalia nodded and smiled back at him. She often wondered what her life would have been like with a real sibling, though seeing Carver stress the way he did before he even saw his brother made her wonder if it would have been worth it. She would have been taken from them by the Templars, anyway.

She pulled herself from her thoughts and looked behind the two to see who it was the Champion had come with, narrowing her eyes at the blonde mage with them. He looked rather ragged and beat down, but there was something about him. He looked so familiar but she just couldn't put her finger on it...

"Wait. Anders?" She asked, her brows shooting up in surprise.

Her old friend smiled timidly back at her. "Hello, Thali."


	6. Important Message!

Hey everyone! I just want to say thank you for putting up with me on this long hiatus, I've started work and am soon to start school so I've been very drained x_x

I wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten about this story, in fact I have been thinking of future chapters an working on the new chapter on and off for a few weeks. I planned on having a new chapter up tonight or tomorrow, but when I went to revise and read over the file all the text was... blocks. I tried changing the font which did nothing. So! I will either find a way to recover it or start anew. Expect a new, long chapter sometime this week (I hope)!

That being said I have a question: I have two different endings to this story, a cliché ending where Thalia and Zev forgive and forget and end up together again OR my other version which is quite sad. I can do a follow-up story with either ending. So, make Thali's life happy, or ruin it. What's your opinion?

And again, thank you so much for patience. I am working very hard _


	7. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone! I finally got this chapter up! Honestly you would not believe how hard it was for me to finish this damn thing, first my laptop went out, then my keyboard stopped working, then ff wouldn't work on my browser...**

**But I finally did it! I tried to make it long but I don't know, I couldn't write that long ;_; Anyway thank you so much for reading and putting up with my slowness in advance! Also thanks for your answers to my end question, I really wanted the happy ending too, I just didn't know if you readers would ._.**

**Enjoy chapter 6!**

* * *

The day could be worse. Though not by much. Thalia slouched against the door and let out an exaggerated sigh, knowing full well that the templar on the other side could hear her. "Why must I take such punishment? It never works, you know. They started putting me in here instead of the usual clean-up duty, as if I would mind a few hours of solitude. It's a hard thing to find in a tower full of busy bodies."

She heard the sound of shuffling armored feet and pressed her ear against the door to try and determine who her guard was this week.

"Not that you would know, you come and go as you please." Thalia huffed. "I miss the smell of fresh air all around you, the warmth of the sun on your skin, the feel of grass on your bare feet..." She stared wistfully at her toes as she wiggled them.

"Y-you're no s-supposed to talk to anyone during t-this punishment." Thalia sat straight up as a grin split across her face. Cullen. She could work with him.

"Is that you, Cullen? Don't you try and pull that on me, no one ever comes to check up on my guard. And I think we could have a decent conversation." Cullen was getting assigned to anything that had to do with her lately, probably because of his not-so-secret crush. Thalia thought it was adorable.

He remained silent. "Fine, I'll just talk and wait for you to respond. It's rather lonely in here and talking to no one is better than not talking at all. Let's see... are you curious to know why I'm in here? It is quite the tale." She heard more shuffling. Figuring that he wasn't going to tell his supervisors she was talking, she continued. "I was having a wonderful day, secret trysts behind bookshelves always have a way of putting me in a stellar mood. I had a particularly shy one, poor thing had probably never-"

"I-I-I-I don't n-need to hear this." Thalia smirked at the slight jealousy in his shaking voice. He was too much fun.

"I just thought you mind find it interesting. What with that chastity belt the Chantry strapped around your brain. I wonder, is it possible that you've never thought about being with someone intimately? All the templars I've spoken to try to tell me they have never had lustful thoughts but with the lives you live I hardly see how that's possible." She sing-songed the last part, putting her ear up to the door again to try and hear even the tiniest noise. "And to not even be able to speak about it without being judged and condemned, if I could I would offer to help any templar with such... problems."

"It's not p-proper to talk of such things." Cullen sounded even more nervous than before. Thalia bit back a laugh.

"Is it? Come on, Cullen. No one here but us, and you know I have no room to judge. You must have something to get off your chest..." She still had her ear plastered to the door, but the templar didn't say anything. She cursed under her breath and flopped back against the door, which shortly after fell away from her back.

"Ow!" She rubbed the back of her head and whipped her head around, fixing her golden eyes on the culprit. "Anders? Why are you here? What happened to Cullen?"

Anders just shrugged before offering his hand to her. "I saw him running down the hall, he dropped his keys when he ran into me. I assumed you had something to do with it since his face was redder than a tomato." Thalia took his hand and jumped up, brushing off her custom-made robes. "What did you tell him? I mean, I know just the sight of you makes him all hot and bothered but I thought he was going to explode just now. And can I be in on it next time?"

Thalia smiled at her friend. "Find your own templar, this one's mine. So do you think they'll notice it hasn't been three hours? I doubt Cullen will admit to running away."

"Probably not. But I doubt you'll have a hard time passing the time hiding if the need arises. We have a way of making hiding fun." He winked at her and she couldn't help but laugh, looping her arm through his as they walked back to the main area of the tower.

"That we do."

* * *

Thalia wrapped her old friend in a hug, squishing his arms to his side. Anders awkwardly flapped his hands and chuckled when he finally realised he was stuck until she let go.

Thalia furrowed her brows when felt an odd sort of pulse coming from him, it felt like the Fade. She brushed it off and put the smile back on her face. "Anders! It's been years, how have you been doing all this time?" She finally moved back and examined him. "Not good from the looks of it."

Anders laughed again, smiling down at her. "I've been alright I suppose. Not as good as you, it seems. Still set up as the Warden-Commander and Arlessa of Amarantine?"

Thalia wrinkled her nose. "Yes. Not that I enjoy it, mind you. I still haven't gotten over the smell of dog. Or the whining aristocrats."

Anders laughed. "Well, if you had caught me on any other day you wouldn't like the smell of me either. Running a clinic for the poor does terrible things to one's appearance."

Thalia waved her hand. "I slay darkspawn, and if you recall they don't exactly smell like roses and sunshine. And a clinic? That's rather noble of you, Carver had mentioned an Anders owning a clinic, I didn't realise it was you." She quirked her brow at him, Anders always cared about people's welfare, but he didn't seem the type to open a free clinic. She felt the air around him shift again, and narrowed her eyes as if to pinpoint what it was.

"You could come and visit if you'd like. I must warn you though, you'll most likely get roped into helping me." He smiled good-naturedly, and Thalia nodded, despite the uneasy feeling he gave off. No one else seem to notice it, were they used to it, or had they ever felt it?

She heard Hawke speak up behind them. "Well, since I'll be visiting with my brother, why don't you two catch up? Anders could show you around our less picturesque parts of Kirkwall." He flashed that smile and Thalia couldn't help but agree.

"Alright. But you remember Carver, any trouble you get in-"

"reflects on you. I know, I've heard it before." He rolled his eyes but smiled. Thalia glared at him but waved her hand, looping her arm in Anders' and marching for the main door of the Keep. He looked surprised and jogged a little to catch up with her. She looked up at at him with a big grin on her face. "So, how about that grand tour then?"

* * *

Darktown was about like she expected: it was a cesspool. Thalia had a hard time keeping her composure when she saw the flag of Ferelden on one of the houses. A few of the people recognised her, or just saw the Grey Warden armor, and ran up asking to shake her hand. She smiled and interacted as best as she could, but seeing these people in this state made her heart clench. She wasn't even a Ferelden native, and poverty was something she was used to seeing in Llomerryn. But knowing that she could have saved these people cut deeper than she expected.

Anders noticed her reaction and scanned over the slums wistfully. "That was my reaction. I wasn't even part of your wonder team during the Blight, but I felt responsible. They all fled from their homes trying to find safety, and they ended up impoverished and living in slums... I had to help them. Had to."

Thalia only nodded as they walked up to a row of four doors, one of which Anders jogged up to and held open for her. "After you." He smiled, ushering her through the door.

The clinic was empty at the moment, but based on the state of the place it looked like it had seen a lot of visitors. Thalia smiled and ran her hand along a bed frame. "This is all very wonderful of you Anders, but are you taking care of yourself? You look haggard, like you haven't slept in days. The skin is falling off your bones. People worry about you." She furrowed her brows and gauged his reaction. He looked away from her and walked over to his desk.

"I'm fine. At least I don't sleep here anymore. I used to get sick so often." He laughed, but Thalia was still worried. And that aura kept bothering her. She concentrated on it, closing her eyes for a moment, pulling at that thing that seemed to link Anders closer to the Fade. She gasped and looked at him with wide eyes, fear flashing through her eyes.

"Thalia? What is it?" Anders walked up to her, but she backed up, the fear in her eyes turning into suspicion.

"You let a fade spirit in? Anders, you let yourself get possesed?" Thalia hissed.

Anders looked shocked "What?"

"Don't you even try to lie to me! I know possesion when I see it." She poked his chest and felt another jolt. "... Justice? That's Justice?"

Anders looked like he might pass out. "H-how do you know that?"

"My mother was a seer, Anders, don't you remember that? She taught me a lot about the Fade and how to sense possession. She could communicate with spirits and demons without getting too involved. I could feel Justice since I hugged you this morning! What have you done to him?"

Anders went from looking shocked to a little miffed. "I had the best intentions! He said he needed help so I gave it to him! He wants to see the injustices towards mages come to an end!"

"He does? Or you do? Anders, that's not Justice anymore."

"What do you mean? He was slightly tainted by our joining but-"

"Slightly? That's a demon of Vengeance now! Don't you see that?"

"I have it under control, he's not-"

"If you had it under control you wouldn't have let him in in the first place!"

They were almost nose-to-nose, and a few people had peeked in the clinic's doors to see what all the shouting was about. Thalia glared at him menacingly before giving up and letting out a heavy sigh. She pinched the bridge of her nose and looked down at the floor. "I need a drink."

Anders ran a hand through his messy blond hair. "I could use one too. Wait here."

Anders sulked off and Thalia went to look at the writing desk he had been in front of. Pages and pages outlined all the unfairness the Chantry used against mages, and how mages should fight back and show they weren't to be mistreated. Thalia worried her bottom lips between her teeth, flipping through the pages. This wasn't Anders.

He came back in with mugs and rather expensive brandy. He looked down at where she was looking at the pages then lifted the items in his hands. "Reserve. It's nice."

She nodded and went to sit on the edge of one of the cots. She watched as he poured her a drink, trying to process this new information. Anders absolutely abhorred anything dealing with the Fade, be it demons or spirits. He chided Thalia for thinking about speaking to a demon once, even with her seer training. She snatched up the mug as soon as he finished pouring and took a large gulp. She set the mug down gently, not looking up at Anders.

"When did you do it?"

"Not too long after I left."

"I thought you were trying to prove your cause in the Circle."

"I thought you were leaving the Wardens for good."

"Touche."

They fell into silence again, taking sips of the brandy. Eventually Anders spoke up. "Why did you get back with the Wardens? You always hated it."

She shrugged. "I had nowhere else to go. Rivain had nothing for me anymore. And the closest thing I had to family other than my mom was the Grey Wardens. I guess I never really did hate it at all. I just... had other priorities at the time, I suppose."

"Hmm. I guess the whole running after love thing didn't work."

"You could say that."

They didn't speak again until they had finished their first glass. Anders was refilling when Thalia decided to confront him. "Anders. Nothing good is going to come of having that spirit. You know that, don't you? It's dangerous; anything it tells you to do you do the opposite, you understand me?"

Anders didn't meet her gaze. "I think I know the dangers, Thali. And I know what I'm doing, I'm still myself."

"That manifesto tells a very different story. What you're writing in there is very dangerous. You could put Hawke in danger."

"You know as much as anyone what it was like being in that circle! Are you saying it was right of them to keep you from home?" Ah, yelling again.

"OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE! I didn't get to see the only family I had for years! I had no way of knowing if she was even alive and-" She growled in frustration and balled her fists. "This isn't the way, Anders. They put us away because they think we're dangerous, if you retaliate with violence you're only proving them right."

Anders scrunched his nose then seemed to catch something. "How do you know about me and Hawke?"

Thalia shrugged. "Carver. I hear him talk about it when he gets a new letter from his brother."

It was already dark outside, it was hard to tell in this part of the city. Thalia stood and wobbled slightly, that brandy was stronger than she thought, even for her. "I should be getting back. Thank you for the talk. And the brandy." She smiled and patted his shoulder. "I missed you."

She was almost out the door before Anders called her back. "I... I missed you too. See you again soon?"

She smiled warmly. "I hope so."

She was about halfway through Darktown when she felt something hit the back of her head and saw black.

* * *

Zevran was rather chipper as he almost floated back to his small apartment. The day had gone particularly well, he had location and contacts established all over the city, honestly the day had gone almost too well.

Then again, maybe it was time he caught a break. He smiled up at the already dark sky, making out constellations in the stars. The day had really gone fast, hadn't it?

Most of his day had been wasted at The Hanged Man. He had been ambushed by a rather drunk Isabela and convinced to stay for drink. Or five in her case. Isabela had introduced him to a dwarf named Varric who had a lot more influence than you would expect. He agreed to help Zevran keep an eye out for any potential ambushes other than the one Zevran had planned.

"It shouldn't been too hard to predict their movements; I've got eyes inside and outside of the city. Of course you probably already know to watch if anyone is following you and try to keep your head low." Although most of the points he was hitting were things Zevran had already taken it to account, it was nice to have more backup that was actually concerned.

He hadn't stayed very long after that, he chatted with Isabela for about an hour. He couldn't really remember what they had talked about, there was only one part of the conversation that stayed with him.

"So, are you here with Thalia? You two are so cute, you know that?" She giggled. Zevran narrowed her eyes at her.

"Why do you ask?" Was she in Kirkwall? But why would she be here?

Isabela looked confused. "I saw her in here yesterday, she was talking with... oh, what was his name... Al? Adam... no, Alistair! Yeah, I was going to say something but I was a bit preoccupied, and Thalia would probably just beat me up for being drunk." She smiled fondly at her drink. "Is she not with you? You two were always together, if I remember correctly."

Zevran frowned. "I haven't even seen her in a very long time. Years."

Isabela cocked her head to one side. "Why?"

He exited an alleyway and rounded the corner that would lead to his temporary residence. It was a decent question. Why had it been so long? It's not like he didn't know she was back in Ferelden. The day she left was a blur in his mind, he couldn't even remember what he had said. He remembered her words, though. Every single one.

He fished his apartment key out of his pocket, trying to lighten his mood again. So what of she was here? His chances of running in to her were slim, at best. As hopped up the stairs to his lodgings, he heard what sounded like some kind of struggle behind the row of houses opposite his. It sounded like whoever was getting attacked was outnumbered.

'It's not my problem.' He went to turn the key but couldn't bring himself to step inside. the sounds were growing louder and more urgent. 'Oh, why the hell not.' He locked the door back and stuffed the key in his pocket.

He slinked over to the house on the end of the line, pulling out his daggers and leaning around the edge of the wall to try and get a look at what was happening. Hidden away in a small alcove, a group of finely dressed men and women were circled around two thugs and a templar beating on a rather short elven woman. Zevran felt his stomach twist when he recognised the armor: The armor of the Grey Wardens.

"You thought you could wrong us and just get away with it?" One of the finer dressed men stepped up and gave a kick of his own, though it didn't appear to do nearly as much damage. "You're positions don't make you better than us."

Zevran heard the woman chuckle an awfully familiar chuckle before spitting what he assumed was blood on to the ground. "I dunno, you had to hire muscle to even show your face in front of me. I'd say that makes me pretty great." Zevran winced when he heard one of the thug's foot connect with the Warden's stomach and she let out a strangled cry.

"But look at you without your lackeys. Without that poor boy Howe; you ruined his life then brainwashed him!" One of the women cried. "Howe was a good man!"

"You would think so, wouldn't you? But then again you don't seem like you're the kind to be praised for your intelligence." Anything she was going to say after that got cut off by the thugs.

Zevran had seen enough. He snuck through the shadows and used to get behind the biggest of the brutes and slit his throat. He used the leverage he got from the first one to launch himself at the second thug and then at the templar. He sunk his blade into one of the soft spots in his armor, then turned to the nobles. He launched at them, but they proved to be much better at running than they were at fighting. He clicked his tongue and wiped down his blades, sheathing them before turning to face those familiar bright, golden eyes.

Thalia looked back at him, a mix of relief and confusion and anger in her expression. "Where did you come from?" She sneered, spitting another mouthful of blood on the dirt. The arm she was using to hold herself up shook slightly and she had to catch herself with her other arm.

Zevran winced at the tone and the blood, and her current state. The armored parts of her ensemble were gone, leaving only the cloth and leather underneath. She was covered in cuts and bruises, and even a few burns. But despite being beaten on the road she still had that strong, independant air about her. He should say something reassuring, should rush to her side, scoop her up and get her cleaned up, should apologise for waiting. But instead he just stood there and said, "What, no "thank you?""

Thalia scoffed and rolled her eyes in response before she promptly passed out. Zevran finally ran over to her and carried her to his apartment, hastily unlocking the door and setting her on the hard bed to inspect the damage. Unfortunately, the bulk of her injuries appeared to be internal.

"Looks like chances weren't as slim as I thought." He brushed the matted hair out of her face before standing up and gathering any medical supplies he had.

It was going to be a long night.


End file.
